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waxing lyrical @ blogspot v1 - introspection.
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Sunday, August 24, 2003It's stuff like this that makes me feel much better and that no matter how things seem to be, or how alone I feel, people still care. Especially coming from Ben whom I don't really know that well, it's twice as touching. Guess even though I think I'm going to do horrendously academically, socially I haven't been such a flop eh? :) Still, it doesn't change the fact that I'm dreading school tomorrow and how lousy I feel right now. In my 3 years at SP, I never ever felt this bad. It scares me. // The Wedding Banquet was very entertaining. Some parts of it weren't very interesting but overall, I thoroughly enjoyed it and if you haven't gotten tickets for it, they've just extended 2 more shows so please (if you can spare the cash) go catch it. The rush I get from watching musicals is unbelievably. And at times like these, I feel like everything is at peace and I'm happy. Truly happy. And it brought to mind this scene from Pretty Woman where Richard Gere brought Julia Roberts to the opera and she was so entranced by all that was going on. 21:36 | Wednesday, August 20, 2003This has to be a first in my entire life. After only 2 days of school, I'm feeling unbelievably stressed out. (Or should it be up?)No. I was stressed after a day of school. But now, I'm just going mad. And the headaches are all coming back. The throbbing ache that won't go away. *sulks* If you told me on Sunday that school would be that tough, I'd probably laugh it off. Seriously, how tough can 4 courses be, what with a 3 day week and all. Back in the polytechnic, we'd do up to 6 at times, juggling projects for all of them. So seriously, how bad can 4 courses be? Horrendously bad I'd say. University life is definitely a whole new different ballgame. I've tons of readings (1 super boring chapter on Logic, 10 chapters on Excel (!!!) which comes to about 200 pages and more powerpoint slides) and all the projects and assignments piling up, and it's only been 2 days! Madness. I never thought that I'd hear that coming from me. The one who doesn't bother paying attention, not to mention revising, who only studies when I really absolutely have to. Goodness, what am I turning into? -sigh- I feel disgustingly bad. All my feelings of inadequecies. The sense that I'm slowly losing myself in the process of trying to be the kind of person SMU hopes I'll be. Outspoken, spontaneous, and yes, different. Am I not different enough for them already? -scowl- 00:22 | Thursday, August 14, 2003'Tis madness. School hasn't even started and there're people asking me whether I've bought my textbooks or if I want to form project groups with them.-rolls eyes- What's the fucking rush for? It's not like I have to get my books on the first day right? Heck, I don't even have to get the books from school. So stop trying to make me feel bad for not buying my bloody books yet because I don't give a fucking damn. I hate this mad rush. I don't get it. People, school is like urm a couple of days away? Chill? It's not like a do or die situation. If you're going to be kancheong about school, then please, stay the fuck away from me. Don't bloody stress me up. -scowl- Groups, books, courses. What next? If this is how the students in my batch are like, then I'm seriously dreading the next few years of my life. Talk about pre-school blues. *mutters* 18:04 | Sunday, August 10, 2003Me.Late at night. Insecure, restless, edgy, lonely, dissatisfied. Very much lost and waiting to be found. With thoughts running a mile a minute in the head, yet not finding the words to express them coherently. And unbelievably weary. 02:10 | Heading to Chinatown with my parents for porridge and inevitably tucking into more delicious food (sharksfin, tofu, jellyfish, crab, prawns, oh and the cheap and yummy raw fish :)~).Passing by the snackshop on the way to the car, and end up lugging a ton of sweets, dried strawberries, crackers, haw flakes, bak gua and the like home. Having chee kweh and porridge for breakfast, followed by a nice cup of warm soyabean milk. All the above I'd indulge in frequently back in my childhood days. And now, years down the road, still enjoying them as much. But is it really the food that I enjoy? Or just the memories I associate with them that bring about that feeling deep inside of me? 02:02 | Tuesday, August 05, 2003I don't really have much to write these days. Not that I haven't been doing anything but rather, nothing has inspired me to actually post an entry.I suppose it's because things have been rather hectic of late. What with chilling with friends (old and new), trying to settle school stuff before it starts, mug and cram statistics (not that I've been doing much of it), I haven't really had much time to myself to sit and think. And there's more coming up over the next few weeks. More pre-school crap like attending academic briefings, bidding for modules, and other stuff which for the life of me, I can't remember now. Oh and I'm having a chalet with my new classmates next week. But I guess all this running around and being busy is good. Because it occupies my mind, my time and so I don't think (or maybe you can call it brood) as much as I usually do, which is good because if I don't think, then I can't think about bad stuff. If I can't think about bad stuff, then I can't be sad. And if I'm not sad, then I should be happy right? Makes sense? I should be happy. Am I? 16:34 | |