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waxing lyrical @ blogspot v1 - introspection.
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Sunday, July 27, 2003Have I told you how much I love the Esplanade. And how I love the library@esplanade especially more so?The place is so serene and beautiful during weekday afternoons. Cheesy as it sounds, it soothes my soul and leaves me strangely at peace with myself. No warring thoughts and conflicting emotions. Just a quietness within me that I thoroughly enjoy having. Then there's the cafes and bars there. Haagen Dazs, Max Brenner, Harry's Bar. Fantastic places to chill and hang with friends, and affordable too. :) Not to forget the comfy armchairs in the library and gorgeous view of water and skyscrapers. Armed with a stack of FHM and Seventeen, a CD of my favourite songs, lounging on the armchairs, enjoying the view, time just slips away and it's easy to spend an entire day simply in the library. :) // Ethel smsed me and it was heartening to receive a message from her. Knowing that she remembers me and thought of me. It felt good. But soon I thought of how we'd eventually lose touch with one another, as most friendships do, and I didn't feel that good anymore. 21:37 | Saturday, July 26, 2003Wanjing made a bet with Lifang and me today. 20 bucks that Lifang will get hitched in 6 months, and that I'd get hitched in a year.Lifang and I are looking forward to an extra 20 bucks each. :) // We came to the conclusion that the guys we dig will never ever go for girls like us. And at the same time, we refuse to settle for less. So does that signify an eternity of doomed spinsterhood for us? 02:45 | I passed by SP on Wednesday and at that moment, I wanted to cry so badly.I never imagined how badly I'd miss SP. It's not like I'd been very active in school, nor have I had that many friends there. Yet I still feel this huge sense of loss, remembering how safe a haven it was, how comfortable and happy I'd been when I was there, and knowing that I don't belong there anymore kills me. I miss my lecturers. I miss my seniors. I miss my juniors. I miss my friends. I miss the food. I miss being part of the school. I miss the memories I had there. It's funny how I don't remember the bad anymore. Simply the good times, the fun and the laughter. Will you be that kind to me as well? 01:50 | Tuesday, July 22, 2003Discovered recently that frankfurters taste much better when they're baked rather than boiled. Oh, and it's much more fun baking them instead of boiling them too!The oven's hot. The frankfurters frozen. Shortly after placing them in the oven, they start making this loud sizzling sounds and steam starts coming out from the oven. The frankfurters turn redder and redder each minute and looks bloated. As if it's going to burst out of its skin any time. In comparison, when you boil a frankfurter, nothing very interesting happens. Only a slight change in shape, but it seems contented enough to stay in its skin. Yes, my life is THAT boring I've started to observe every single bit of my food. // And they say it's borderline? -rolls eyes- Sounds mad enough to me. Take the test here, courtesy of the schizo one. :p 23:48 | Sunday, July 20, 2003Had nothing to do so decided to go through the messages in my handphone.-sigh- Some of them were from friends that I haven't contacted in months now and I can't help but think back on how good things were back then. When we'd sms each other on a regular basis even if we didn't see each other and it felt like the friendship was still intact. How bittersweet when I look at them now. Did they really mean it when they said it at that time? If so, then what about now? What happened? Not make enough effort on both our parts? No, really. Why have they ceased? I try to remember the context in which the message was sent. When it was sent, why the message's the way it is, but I don't remember anymore. All that's left is the words in my phone, with a long forgotten background. I stare at the screen and I'm this close to clicking "Reply" but somehow I can't find it in me to do so. So much I want to say, to tell you. But it feels inappropriate somehow. Or maybe it's just my pride acting up once again. Maybe, maybe memories are better left the way they are. Sweet sweet memories. 22:54 | Saturday, July 19, 2003It's funny how one can feel so alone despite being surrounded by people. How there can be billions of people in existance, and yet you wonder why the only person that seems to be around is you.Sometimes I feel like I'm watching all that's going on from above. Detached from my body, from the harsh realities that assault my senses day after day, where I remain as a passive observer of my life, not feeling, not hurting, invulnerable to all the pain present out there. And at that moment, solitude doesn't seem so bad. In fact, it's rather enjoyable, simply having the thoughts in your head for company. Then suddenly, you awaken to what's around and a myriad of emotions are unleashed. Especially loneliness. Being alone fucking sucks at these times. And yet I can't seem to summon up the zest to socialise, to chill with friends. I know they're there, but in that moment, they all seem to be unsuitable company. Instead I seek someone else, one whose identity I do not know of, have no clue to, and could very well only exist in my imagination. Me, myself and I? 20:51 | Wednesday, July 16, 2003It's official. I'm a student of SMU. And will be for the next 3-4 years.I can't say I'm ecstatic though. To be honest, the thought of having to study another couple of years is pretty depressing. Not that I'd rather be working but I wish I didn't have to make friends all over again. Rebuild my social circle etc. I'm sure there're tons of nice people there, I'm just not sure they're MY type of people. Or if I'm theirs. This sounds vaguely familiar doesn't it? And seeing Penny and Mr Yee yesterday reminded me of how much I miss SP. The times we shared in school, that common history. Time will tell how things go. 00:43 | 10 Things I Hate About You was as fantastic as I remembered. :)The scene where Heath Ledger belted out "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" to Julia Stiles. Where they played paintball and ended up making out in the haystack. And of course who could forget, the scene that made my heart clench so bad. With her reciting the poem. I hate the way you drive my car I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right I hate it when you lie I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry I hate it that you're not around and the fact that you didn't call But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even any at all." -sigh- 00:26 | Sunday, July 13, 2003It's funny how I seem to bump into more friends recently, especially the ones in my new school. It's as if God's been dropping them in my path so I can re-acquaint myself with them so I won't feel so alone when I'm at school.Hmm. I'll be going for matriculation tomorrow. I'm quite excited to be formally enrolled in the school but I can't say I'm psyched to know the people there. It's probably just me being anti-social again and not wanting to make new friends. But still, I honestly don't think they're my type of people, and vice versa. I wish I could elaborate but I'm at a loss for words. And I'll be seeing my OBS mates for steamboat tomorrow as well. Did I mention that they all think I'm quiet and reserved? :) Since that's the kind of person I am, I shouldn't have to work too hard to keep that image right? -tongue in cheek- // I need a laptop. I need help! IBM or Toshiba? 21:18 | Friday, July 11, 2003Maybe if I didn't see so much of her, then I won't feel like she's rubbing me the wrong way.00:03 | Thursday, July 10, 2003OBS was exhausting.Came back yesterday evening and fell asleep about half an hour after I reached home. Woke up 15 hours later, feeling much more energised but still very drained. My whole body's aching, even the muscles I never knew existed. And there's all the bruises and bites on my arms and legs. But it was a good experience. Yes, despite all my complains about how sore and achey I am now. There wasn't much time for us to do many activities. But the ones we did, really helped to teach us how if we put our mind to doing something, nothing is impossible. :) And the one that left the deepest impression? Definitely the kayaking. Goodness gracious, I think I did enough to last me my entire lifetime. The first half of the journey was tiring, and I very nearly wanted to throw in the towel. Arms were numb and our kayak kept zig-zagging, leaving me and LC very exhausted since we had to constantly steer our kayak in the right direction. And when we heard about the plan for the second half of the journey, I thought I would die. My arms were already sore and yet we had to do more of it? Much more? At 4 am? Madness. But we survived somehow. Thank God. So far, everything seems good. We'll see how things eventually turn out. 12:23 | Thursday, July 03, 2003I shall never ever wear accessories when I go clubbing.-sigh- Lost my favourite ring, oh so beautiful and lovely as well as 1 of the pair of earrings that Lifang gave me. Fuck. I'm really very pissed off and upset. -cries- // So I was bopping to the beats of the music and I saw this guy dancing opposite me. When I looked into his eyes, and it was also at this same moment that he caught me looking him, did I finally realised who he was. M4 Wu Hong Shen of Star Search 2003. It's amazing how much better he looks in real life than on the television. Very very droolworthy. :)~ 04:04 | |